One of the saddest and most sobering verses in all of Scripture is Numbers 20:12.
"But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, 'Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.'"
The violation? Moses twice struck the rock in anger instead of speaking to it. The consequence? Â The forfeit of his earthly experience of physically entering the "land flowing with milk and honey" (Numbers 14:8), which God had promised to His people.
For forty long, arduous years, Moses had faithfully led God's adulterous, idolatrous people through the wilderness. He had stood in the gap between this unfaithful, quarreling nation and their faithful, loving God. He had served them, governed them, and advised them. He had interceded on their behalf, time and again, even averting God's just judgment upon them. He had celebrated victories with them. He had grieved over their sins, desirous of much more for this people God had so miraculously redeemed. He had journeyed all these years alongside them through the wilderness experience they had brought upon themselves.
And yet. . .his brewing exasperation, given vent in a weak, and grievous, moment of leadership altered the course of his earthly experience.
Though I know with my head that God always does right, this has always pained my heart.
Recently in my morning quiet time, troubled yet again as I read this account in Numbers 20:12, the Spirit's highlighter ran across two phrases. I knew God wanted me to pause and ponder each:
. . .trust in me enough. . .
. . .honor me as holy. . .
In God's sentencing of Moses (and Aaron as well), God, in no uncertain words, gave His reason for the grave consequence given. Moses did not trust Him enough to do exactly what He said, and in not doing so, he dishonored the holiness of God in front of the very people who continually doubted and disregarded their Redeemer. And even though it might seem incredibly harsh to you and to me, especially knowing the ungrateful, unruly people Moses had been called to lead and the length of time he led them, when we give serious consideration to the unmatched intimacy and experiences this servant-leader had been privileged to have with God, it becomes clearer to our understanding—though the Almighty needs not our understanding nor approval in anything He chooses to do—why God, "the Judge of all the earth" who always does what's right (Genesis 18:25), would issue this hard judgment.
Much had been made known to Moses.
Therefore, much had been required.
However, somewhere before this Numbers 20 account, Moses had stopped guarding his own heart. Somewhere along the way, he had allowed frustration, anger, and resentment to get a foothold. Instead of keeping the right perspective—that this entire situation was an issue, once again, between the hearts of these unruly children and their God—Moses made it all about the burden he was personally carrying. This is evident in Moses' words before he struck the rock, as he angrily asked,
"Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" (10; emphasis mine)
Two things are apparent in Moses' telling question:
The first is that Moses' heart was full of cursing, where the Israelites were concerned. This is why he couldn't hold back from verbally assaulting them. For certain, Jesus' words are true that "the mouth speaks what the heart is full of" (Matthew 12:34). Of course, the people were surely the "rebels" that Moses had called them, which is not surprising because this was the generation of children who'd learned firsthand how to be rebellious—grumbling, complaining, doubtful, idolatrous, and adulterous—just like their parents who'd already died in the wilderness. But they were also the "apple of [God's] eye" (Zechariah 2:8), His "treasured possession," the people He'd called and chosen "out of all the peoples. . .of the earth" to be His very own (Deuteronomy 7:6).
I also think it's worth noting that nowhere in Moses' prior exchange with God at the beginning of Numbers 20 did God verbalize anger about the people's need for water, even as full of complaining as they were. So, I can't help but wonder if Moses, in his already-stirred-up vexation, was disappointed about this, disappointed that God's holy heart didn't line up with the present condition of his unholy heart. Frustrated that God didn't express the righteous anger He had shown times before, which had prompted Moses' intercession for the Israelites, diverting God's wrath.
In the opening verses of Numbers 20, the only anger we read of is the peoples', and it's all directed towards Moses and Aaron, as had occurred so many times before. However, this time, it got to Moses. It got to his head and got to his heart. Then, it made its way out of his mouth, though, just earlier, he had been "facedown and the glory of the Lord had appeared to him" (6) in the tent of meeting, specifically instructing him what to do.
The second thing Moses' question evidences is that in this moment, he had put himself in the place of God. "Must we bring you water out of this rock?" Moses asked. Instead of acknowledging God's power and provision, Moses put himself in God's position. It wouldn't be God who would bring the water forth from the rock, but Moses and Aaron. With his revealing words, it's apparent that he had made it all about man's service, all about himself.
Compare this with the previous time God used Moses to bring water from a rock, some forty years earlier, recorded in Exodus 17. The people quarreled with Moses about having no water, Moses fell face down before the Lord, and the Lord told Moses what to do, and Moses did it. Nothing more. Nothing less. But in Numbers 20, what comes out of a weary Moses' mouth is a dead giveaway that he had become careless about guarding his heart, making it easy for sin to take root and disobedience to naturally sprout.
A distrust of God's ways.
A disregard for God's honor.
For any servant of the Most High, whether in a position of leadership or not, always foundational to obedience are these two questions:
Do I trust Him enough to do exactly what He says, no matter how strongly I might think or feel otherwise?
Will I choose His holiness and honor over temporary satisfaction and gain?
Recently, I received a text from my mother. She had noticed that in the previous days prior, I had made a couple of posts on social media about the power of the tongue, and she wanted to share with me a Scripture she had read earlier in the day, some words out of James:
"My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body." (3:1)
In this well-known chapter about the tongue's potency and the destruction it can bring, James begins by pointing out that a teacher—a proclaimer and pronouncer of the true words of God—will be held to a higher standard for the words he or she speaks. James, led by the Holy Spirit, minces no words as he describes the tongue's power to be used for evil. He sugarcoats nothing as he addresses believers who "praise our Lord and Father" and yet "curse human beings who have been made in God's likeness," which "should not be" (9-10).
As I considered James 3:1 and the subsequent verses, I saw a connection between James' teaching and Moses' experience in Numbers 20. And I felt a sobering heaviness
—a personally convicting heaviness—regarding the seriousness of spiritual leadership, the proclamation of God's Truth, the guarding of the heart, and the government of the tongue.
Even Moses, the great prophet-leader of the Old Testament, the deliverer of God's people, the humble man the Great I AM spoke with "face to face" (Numbers 12:8), was not exempt from forfeiting the full earthly experience of the promise fulfilled, which God desired to give him. Because Moses did not trust God enough to honor Him as the Holy God that He is (evidenced by Moses' words and his actions), from a distance this servant only saw with his eyes—eyes that had been allowed to actually "see the form of the Lord" (Numbers 12:8)—the territory God had promised His people (Deuteronomy 33:4),
How tragic. How sad.
It’s a sobering reality to contemplate—to really sit with and spiritually ponder—and then take to heart.
("Moses Shown the Promised Land," an oil painting by Benjamin West, 1801;
photo taken at the Metropolitan Museum of Art while visiting NYC with one of my daughters)
A closing thought not about serious consequence, but sweet grace. . .
Despite the heartbreak of Moses' experience, my heart is so encouraged by God's tenderness and affection—His grace—towards Moses in his last days. Deuteronomy 34:6-7 reads,
"[God] buried [Moses] in Moab, in the valley opposite Beth Peor, but to this day no one knows where his grave is. Moses was a hundred and twenty years old, when he died, yet his eyes were not weak nor his strength gone."
Moses spent forty years in Egypt, forty years in the desert, and forty years in the wilderness. His life was divided into three cycles of forty (each a number with Biblical significance—a detail I cannot help but notice). And even though the Lord issued a just consequence for this leader's disobedience, by refusing a blessing he had longed and waited for, this humble, faithful servant—the Lord’s closest friend—did not conclude his days in dimness of sight or weakness of person.
Rather, until Moses’ sojourn was complete, he had a clear vision and a staying strength.
Then. . .after breathing his final breath. . .his earthly body was buried by God’s own hands.
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